Lottery For Dummies

nba draft Lottery For Dummies

Getty Images

If there is ever a manual printed on how to screw oneself on prospective lottery position I decree that Joe Dumars and his Motley Crue shall pen it.

The Pistons were given a gift last night. they were handed a Top 4 lottery selection and an exponentially better shot at not only John Wall but a franchise player. Instead, they missed Christmas, burped and went to the bathroom while the rest of the family opened their gifts.


Just lose. You know, the thing you had done 54-times prior to last night. But no, nah nah nah…let’s do something we hadn’t done in two years…make a 4th quarter comeback. Perfect. Going to work.


Tank. In the NBA it’s an art form, a genre, a skill so revered they run expensive corporate retreats in Vale on how to do it, hosted by Elgin Baylor. Nothing positive comes from winning last night. The Pistons are now tied with Philly and allowed Washington and Golden State to stay ahead in the lottery, despite their own idiocy of winning last night. How does this happen? Easy, you wanted to win. Simple. If they just stopped “winning” two weeks back they had the 4th pick locked up with a great shot at 3rd.

“But Mike what do you want them to do”…in Dery speak. Simple. Lose at all costs. No dignity, no class, no ethics…lose like it’s your job. In this case it was. Dress 7-players. Don’t run plays. Come just short of telling your players. I’ve seen and heard it all, it happens. I bel31ve.

Now Joe is stuck in the land where guys like Kedrick Brown, Jerome Moiso, and Rodney White go to die. Where porn heads like Eddie Griffin look like solid selections. Yes, it’s what I’ve warned you about for months…dreaded late lottery. Want proof? Seat belts please and make sure tray tables are upright.


3rd O.J. Mayo

7th Eric Gordon


3rd Al Horford

7th Corey Brewer


3rd Charlotte passes on Tyrus Thomas and Brandon Roy for…Adam Morrison

7th Wolves pass on Rudy Gay for Randy Foye


3rd Deron Williams

7th Charlie V.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Burp.


3rd Melo

7th Kirk Hinrich

I could go on, but I won’t. My point is proven. Well done guys. Joe, stand and take a bow. You preserved your class and dignity…and now must navigate a veritable mine field of busts in a year where your legacy rides on this draft. Sure you don’t want a mulligan? A legitimate chance at John Wall? Cousins? Turner?

Now at 7th you get a choice of another 7-foot Euro or another Small Forward.

Repeat after me…Donatas Motiejunas

I have no answers for why they did what they did. Nobody from the organization would or should ever answer the questions. The bottom line is, the “plan” would’ve been in place weeks ago for any team with a clue. Lose, make it look good but…scratch that. Just lose.

There is no momentum. No development. Nothing. Last night’s win will fade away like a bad K$sha single.

Better get this one right Joe, you’ve likely already botched the setup.



More From CBS Detroit

Best 4th Of July Concerts In Metro DetroitStaying home this weekend? Celebrate the 4th of July by rocking out at one of these shows.
Hump Day Drinks: 8 Cheery Cocktail RecipesNow that you've made it through half the work week, it's time to celebrate!

Watch & Listen