Lottery For Dummies

nba draft Lottery For Dummies

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If there is ever a manual printed on how to screw oneself on prospective lottery position I decree that Joe Dumars and his Motley Crue shall pen it.

The Pistons were given a gift last night. they were handed a Top 4 lottery selection and an exponentially better shot at not only John Wall but a franchise player. Instead, they missed Christmas, burped and went to the bathroom while the rest of the family opened their gifts.


Just lose. You know, the thing you had done 54-times prior to last night. But no, nah nah nah…let’s do something we hadn’t done in two years…make a 4th quarter comeback. Perfect. Going to work.


Tank. In the NBA it’s an art form, a genre, a skill so revered they run expensive corporate retreats in Vale on how to do it, hosted by Elgin Baylor. Nothing positive comes from winning last night. The Pistons are now tied with Philly and allowed Washington and Golden State to stay ahead in the lottery, despite their own idiocy of winning last night. How does this happen? Easy, you wanted to win. Simple. If they just stopped “winning” two weeks back they had the 4th pick locked up with a great shot at 3rd.

“But Mike what do you want them to do”…in Dery speak. Simple. Lose at all costs. No dignity, no class, no ethics…lose like it’s your job. In this case it was. Dress 7-players. Don’t run plays. Come just short of telling your players. I’ve seen and heard it all, it happens. I bel31ve.

Now Joe is stuck in the land where guys like Kedrick Brown, Jerome Moiso, and Rodney White go to die. Where porn heads like Eddie Griffin look like solid selections. Yes, it’s what I’ve warned you about for months…dreaded late lottery. Want proof? Seat belts please and make sure tray tables are upright.


3rd O.J. Mayo

7th Eric Gordon


3rd Al Horford

7th Corey Brewer


3rd Charlotte passes on Tyrus Thomas and Brandon Roy for…Adam Morrison

7th Wolves pass on Rudy Gay for Randy Foye


3rd Deron Williams

7th Charlie V.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Burp.


3rd Melo

7th Kirk Hinrich

I could go on, but I won’t. My point is proven. Well done guys. Joe, stand and take a bow. You preserved your class and dignity…and now must navigate a veritable mine field of busts in a year where your legacy rides on this draft. Sure you don’t want a mulligan? A legitimate chance at John Wall? Cousins? Turner?

Now at 7th you get a choice of another 7-foot Euro or another Small Forward.

Repeat after me…Donatas Motiejunas

I have no answers for why they did what they did. Nobody from the organization would or should ever answer the questions. The bottom line is, the “plan” would’ve been in place weeks ago for any team with a clue. Lose, make it look good but…scratch that. Just lose.

There is no momentum. No development. Nothing. Last night’s win will fade away like a bad K$sha single.

Better get this one right Joe, you’ve likely already botched the setup.


  • Dan

    You are not supposed to beat anyone with your top 3 guards out of the game. Hamilton, Stuckey, and Gordon did not play at all. Amazingly and to my dismay they got the win. It reminds me of Jason Hanson’s winning field goal against New Orleans on Christmas Eve 2005.

  • James

    All due respect because I do agree with you 100% but from what I read half of the “good” players weren’t even playing…It seems he did try to sneak a lost in there but these idiots still messed it up

  • Jeremy

    Come on Mike a big win like last night can carry some momentum into next season for a young team like the stones. Further, you need to give credit to Joe Dumars for his proven draft record. I am sure he’ll be able to turn the 7th pick into a special pick that will be talking about for years. Sorry, it is hard to type because I am laughing so hard. The Pistons had no business winning that game last night. There are 5 players in this upcoming draft worth anything. Picks 6 and on will be gambles for the most part. The seventh pick is probably better for Joe. I guess it is better to miss with the seventh pick then it is with the 3rd pick. Case in point, Joe gets a lot more flack for his pick of Darko then his pick of Rodney White.

  • joe from macomb

    choice of another 7-foot Euro oh boy this town would be outraged at the palace if they draft one

  • Nic

    These idiots can’t even lose right. Great time for Charlie V to actually show up and play.

  • mike

    I totally agree Mike. Its not like winning last night or for the last two months was going to put more butts in the seats either. The Palace has been empty since January.

    Look, there is no more obvious mail-it-in professional sports league than the National Basketball Association. Joe, Cuester, Tayshaun The Thin Man Prince and all the rest of our team that took the last 4 months off are not fooling anyone with that phony playing for pride post-game interview while at the same time sitting there with that pathetic pile of vomit unaffected millionaire look on the bench.

    So here’s to the next 3 years of at best by some miracle an 8 seed and the merry go round of mediocrity. Cheers Joe!!!!

  • Charles

    What about Ed Davis or Al Farouq Amiinu? Those are two very nice players

  • pete

    valenti you’re a moron.

    they were playing chucky atkins, charlie v, dajuan summers, and austin daye in the 4th quarter. Tayshuan and Ben had their warm up suits with 2 minutes left. Ben Gordon missed the game completely. What more do you want, man?

    • Tom

      To LOSE! Put in the end of bench guys you developmental kids. You go from a sure thing to a gamble. Maybe you need to read the post better.

  • adam

    You know what those 5 players on the floor in the fourth have in common? Probably not going to be back next year!!

    • Steve

      exactly, so what incentive do they have to put forth the very best effort? to help detroit? get a grip guys, these are professional athletes that get paid to play and to win. You tell a guy who isn’t going to be here next year “lose for us, thanks” and potentially be seen by other GMs as a guy who tanks like that? Garbage dude, total garbage.

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