Frenemies
Do you have any "friends" who seem to have a toxic effect on you?
People who leave you worse for wear?
People who seem to suck the life out of you or who break your heart?
Maybe they're not friends.
Maybe they're "frenemies."
A local therapist says it's not something to be taken lightly.
Lori Edelson of Birmingham Maple Clinic says "If you feel tense when they're around, if you feel that you're having a hard time being yourself around them, that your self-esteem feels compromised around them, that the relationship seems one sided (you're giving they're taking,) if you frequently feel hurt, or annoyed with them, you never get a turn, or you're angry after you spend time together" then you MAY have yourself a frenemy."
Edelson says be careful. These kinds of relationships can be devastating.
"They have no recognition of your feelings and your needs. They seem to require excessive admiration. They're always right, and they cannot apologize genuinely."
She says sometimes, the relationship ends up being completely frustrating. "Their expectations are like a moving target, constantly changing. What they are looking for you to do for them is X this minute, and then all of a sudden it's A,B,C in 15 minutes."
So what do you do about these frenemies?
Edelson says if it's your spouse or your boss and you can't just pack up and leave, then you have to carefully communicate how you're feeling: that you're getting double messages or conflicting messages. And you don't like it. And you're hoping for change.
She says you could try to set new boundaries in the relationship.
If that doesn't work she says you could seek counseling to help you set those parameters.
If worse comes to worse, however, she says, you may have to walk away.
Edelson says relationships like this can be "soul-breaking."