DETROIT (WWJ) – Are you feeling the pressure this Valentine’s Day … about the night ahead?

Ann Arbor sex therapist Lori Hollander says the loss of desire for a spouse is one of the most common couple problems.

Hollander says it usually has a simple fix: Fifteen minutes a day of really listening to each other.

“People will say, oh my god, we talk all the time – I mean that’s not the problem. But then, you know when they ask, like how much of that time is spoken, just on your feelings, not the kids, the house, bills, work, just feelings. They’ll often look at each other and laugh (and say) ‘none’.”

Hollander says it’s important to just mirror what your spouse is saying, without trying to fix them.

“Just repeat back what you hear, that’s it,” said Hollander. “You don’t need to give a lot of insight on it – you don’t have to have a brilliant point, just hear it.”

She says the practice can definitely bring that old feeling back and notes that couples should keep in mind this rule of thumb; five compliments for every criticism.


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