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Sports

Cap’n Crunch Defends His Title

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By: Sara

Some people take their cereal mascots waaaaaaaaay too seriously. I can’t believe that a Cap’n Crunch scandal popped up…but it did. Somebody finally noticed that the Cap’n might not really be “Captain” because he only has three stripes on his uniform instead of four. Say it isn’t so! You mean cartoon characters aren’t always realistic? Thank goodness Horatio Magellan Crunch took the time to set up a press conference and address all the ugly rumors once and for all.

I had actually never paid attention to the fact that his eyebrows are attached to his hat and that he only has four fingers. Point well taken, Cap’n my Cap’n. Now if you could only address the fact that your cereal tends to shred the roof of a person’s mouth, we would be all set.

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