By Christy Strawser
Hot enough for you, metro Detroit? If that question triggers an unusually aggressive response — you’re probably just overheated. As the scorching weather continues, let’s take a break to consider the top 10 ways we can forget the unrelenting heat and humidity and get cool.
10. Remind yourself winter is around the corner, or heck, coming back around at the end of the week. This is Michigan, anything could happen.
9. Befriend the guy who drives the ice cream truck down your street. He may not be as weird as you think.
8. Ignore what your dad said. Sometimes, it’s OK to open the freezer and stand in front of it. Air conditioning the outside? Yes — and what you going to do about it? (Later use overheating in your apology.)
7. Ban all physical contact with other humans. Hug it out only if required by court order.
6. Become as sluglike as possible. The laundry can wait. Fall will be here soon enough.
5. Find a backyard pool and get in it. This may require making new friends. Don’t hug them.
4. Get a boat, even if you have to put it on layaway. Thinking about how cool you’re going to be may have a placebo effect.
3. Hum a cool song to yourself, like “Ice, Ice Baby.” Then stop — because you’re in Detroit and there are rules.
2. Go somewhere with air conditioning — the mall, Meijer, Best Buy, Starbucks, a salon — anything will do. Don’t mention the heat, it’ll just bring everybody down.
1. Tell anyone who complains to talk to the hand — no really, the hand, this one, that shows you where I live. It’s hot there.