Detroit Is Better Than Seattle — Here’s Why

By: Evan Jankens
@kingofthekc

I can’t wait for Saturday night. Our very own Detroit Lions are once again in the playoffs and they are taking on the Seattle Seahawks at CenturyLink Field. Just as I assume Matthew Stafford and his squad aren’t intimidated by Seattle’s 12th man, neither am I. As a matter of fact, I have been taking bets from anyone I can take for the Lions to win straight up. This is their year!

In my opinion, Detroit has already won the battle of the cities and below are five reasons why I believe that.

1. Detroit has better food. Has Seattle even heard of the coney dog? According to the Huffington Post, Seattle has a hog dog that has onions and cream cheese on it. That is awful, who the heck wants cream cheese on their hot dog? We also have Detroit-style pizza, and all other pizzas can go to hell. They probably put broccoli on their pizza.

2. This one is a little bit of a low blow but I have to go there. Seattle doesn’t have an NHL team? In Detroit we are known as “Hockeytown.” We’re home to the Detroit Red Wings. In Seattle, they have the Thunderbirds, which are a CHL team. Here is where I might take this a little too far, Seattle doesn’t have an NBA team anymore since they moved to Oklahoma City and became the Thunder. We have the Detroit Pistons who will be moving downtown next season. Maybe Seattle can adopt the Pistons.

3. The weather. Think about it for a moment, even though right now it’s about as cold as it can be here, be thankful it’s not raining all summer long. I don’t know how anyone survives all those endless gray days in the land of rain and fog. According to komonews.com:

822 hours of rain falling across 155 rainy days means it rains about 5.3 hours per rainy day on average.

4. Championships. Detroit has a total of 18 titles — Pistons 3, Tigers 4, Red Wings 11 — and that doesn’t even count the four titles the Lions got in 1935, 1952,1953 and 1957. Seattle has 10 puny little titles. Look how cute they are! Heck, the Red Wings have more than that on their own.

5. Hotties, aka WAGS. Sure, Russell Wilson is married to superstar singer Ciara but we all know Detroit has the best superstar fiance/wife deal covered. Beyond cheerleader Kelly B. Stafford, our star pitcher is set to be married to swimsuit supermodel Kate Upton. Mic drop. Detroit wins. Don’t even try to compete.

6. Toughness. Who’s tougher than a Detroiter? No one. Who’s going to survive a nuclear winter, hipster softies from the land of flannel and introspection … or a Detroiter? I know the answer. And I’ve got my fingers crossed the Lions show that toughness on the field this weekend.

7. Music. We invented techno, we set Eminem and Kid Rock loose on the world, and they’re still wistful about the Seattle sound that disappeared 15 years ago. I know where my money would go.

8. We don’t need refs to win games for us. Remember that blown call that happened when the Seahawks last faced off against Detroit? We remember. We have long, cold winters in Detroit … and long memories. And some would say we have a thirst for revenge.

 

 

Comments

One Comment

  1. 5 reasons? Apparently counting is not among our strengths.

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