CBS62logoNEW2013_blue_final_header_White wwj950-sm2011b 971-ticket-35smb 35h_CBSSportsRad_Detroit

Tale of the tape

Tale Of The Tape: NHL Negotiations Vs. A Bad Date

With the NHL lockout leading to the cancellation of more and more of the hockey season, the negotiations of commissioner Gary Bettman between the players union and team owners are looking less like a labor dispute with sports professionals and more like a bad date with someone your parents introduced you to. Are these contract disputes truly better or worse than your worst dating experience? Let’s take a look at the facts.

Commissioner Gary Bettman of the National Hockey League leaves the podium after addressing the media at Crowne Plaza Times Square on September 13, 2012 in New York City.  (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images) 123217065
Commissioner Gary Bettman of the National Hockey League leaves the podium after addressing the media at Crowne Plaza Times Square on September 13, 2012 in New York City. (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

NHL Negotiations

Bad Dates

Locks you out of your workplace for months with security guards at the ready. Being Stood Up Leaves you drinking water and eating table bread at a restaurant for over an hour before letting you know they can’t make it.
People who look like your grandfather with way too much make-up on and nothing like someone who had ever picked up a hockey stick. Who's Involved Someone who looks like your grandfather with way too much make-up on and nothing like that online personal you replied to.
Undisclosed locations that sound like dingy basements with blood-spattered walls and one fluorescent light bulb in the middle. Meeting Point A self-help seminar on how to trust people again after your parents put your dog to sleep and tell you he ran away.
Talks about money in a way only accountants and financial analysts can understand. Conversations Talks about money in a way only accountants and financial analysts would, as far as they know.
Abruptly breaks off talks and doesn’t speak to the other party for a week. Possible 2nd Date? Runs crying from the restaurant and calls you up a week later to tell you, “we should do this again.”
More action and drama than the NHL has had as a sport in years. Outsider Perspective Hilarious to everyone involved except the two people on the actual date.

The winner is

Commissioner Gary Bettman of the National Hockey League leaves the podium after addressing the media at Crowne Plaza Times Square on September 13, 2012 in New York City.  (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)
NHL Negotiations
4 out of 6

After some careful consideration and thoughtful review, its been determined that the NHL Negotiations are worse than a bad date. Why? Because not even a federally appointed mediator can't help fix the problem.

More Tales of the tape

  1. (Photo by Mike Stobe/Getty Images) 2014 NBA Draft
    Who Wore It Better… Nik Stauskas Or Adreian Payne?

    Who had the better suit at the 2014 NBA Draft…Nik Stauskas Or Adreian Payne

  2. (Photo Credit: Getty Images/Richard Heathcote) (Photo Credit: Getty Images/Warren Little)
    Tale Of The Tape: Winter Olympics In Sochi Vs. FIFA World Cup In Brazil

    With both sites having their share of issues in hosting major international sporting events, we went to the tape to decide who was the worst host of 2014.

  3. Cleveland Cavaliers v Atlanta Hawks LeBron James (Photo Credit: Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: LeBron James Decision 1 Vs. Decision 2

    Let’s compare LeBron James’ first decision to leave the Cavs to his decision to opt out with the Heat.

See all Tales of the Tape