By: Mike Valenti
Johnny Spirit – This birdbrain sees life through rose-colored glasses. He thinks MSU is a power and Tom Izzo walks on water. He’s mostly confined to areas between Dimondale and West Lansing; This fan defines a townie.READ MORE: Striking Kellogg's Workers Receiving 3% Raises In New Contract
Insecure, Fearful Sparty – Nothing MSU does will ever be enough without approval from big brother. Everything on earth comes back to UM. He’s always searching for approval that will never come. A horrific combination of self-loathing and insecurity, this monster lives in constant fear that his team will collapse and/or cease to exist in the wake of UM success. This fan should be in a padded room.READ MORE: 87% Of Michigan's COVID ICU Patients Unvaccinated, Hospital Association Says
Party Sparty – The dude who won’t remember the score of the game or if he was even there. Loves fire and booze and often both. The game is all background noise as the party is the main event. Frequently uses the phrase ‘Sparty On’.
Angry Sparty – This fan is furious at his own team, yet still watches. Likely an alum, this fan treads the line between rational and self loathing. He has endured dozens of mind shattering defeats and thrilling wins. This fan is part crackhead and tortured soul.MORE NEWS: Democrats Renew Push For Gun-Control Legislation After Oxford High School Shooting
Obsessed Sparty — This fan only cares about Michigan. He enjoys UM losses more than MSU wins. His hate for Michigan burns hotter than the love for his own school.