By Brian Cullen

» More columns

READ MORE: Ribs RnB Music Festival Kicks Off This Weekend In Downtown Detroit

Ah, the touchdown celebration. There might not be another activity that ranks so lowly on the class scale, and yet so highly on the entertainment scale (except whoopee cushions). But in all of footballdom, there are five touchdown celebrations that rise above the rest. These celebrations stick in our mind for their creativity, their originality, and their brashness (with one exception – wait for it). Also, let it be noted that these are mostly one-time celebrations, so nothing like that irritating hand-behind-the-back football flip that LaDainian Tomlinson used to do. And we will absolutely not give any love to that stupid Victor Cruz salsa dance because it’s infuriating. But besides that… these are our favorites.

5. Stevie Johnson Can’t Spike the Ball

We looooove Stevie Johnson. He typically puts up respectable fantasy numbers (despite playing in Buffalo), and he’s been known to call out the Almighty from time to time. That said, you can’t help but appreciate this celebration: Johnson tries to spike the ball, but can’t. He then looks at his hands, confused, and tries again. The implication is clear: he’s gone full Spider-Man, and even he’s surprised. The subtle message to the opposing team is clear as well – it’s not “Haha, I’m better!” it’s “Huh? Even *I* don’t know how I’m this good!

4. Joe Horn Gets on the Horn

And then there was the time Joe Horn called his family after scoring a touchdown.

Consider the level of arrogance here. Horn needed to plant the cellphone wayyyyyyy before the game started. But, he also needed to know which end zone he’d score on, right? Either that or he planted two cellphones? No matter how you slice it, this is one of the most infuriating celebrations of all time.

3. Chad Johnson (formerly Ochocinco) is an Evil Genius

What to say about Chad Ochocinco’s stable of celebrations? There are dozens to pick from – the time he proposed marriage to a cheerleader, the time he broke out in a Riverdance routine or (my personal favorite) the time he held up a sign to the cameras imploring the NFL not to fine him for any more celebrations. But, given the holiday season, this one needs to take first billing: after scoring a touchdown, Ochocinco grabbed a bag befitting of Santa Claus and started handing out autographed jerseys and footballs to fans. What a nice fella.

2. Gus Frerotte Defines his Entire Career
READ MORE: Judge Says Michigan Gov. Whitmer Won't Have To Testify In Abortion Lawsuit

Although it was an unintentional celebration, it was still one of the most memorable of all time. Washington Redskins quarterback Gus Frerotte headbutted a wall – A PADDED WALL – after scoring a touchdown. So why is this such a big deal? He was treated for a neck injury shortly thereafter.


TAMPA, FL - FEBRUARY 01:  Wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald #11 of the Arizona Cardinals celebrates as he scores a 64-yard touchdown reception in the fourth quarter against the Pittsburgh Steelers during Super Bowl XLIII on February 1, 2009 at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida.

Larry Fitzgerald (Photo Credit: Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

1. Larry Fitzgerald Is in a Class by Himself

There are no videos of Larry Fitzgerald’s touchdown celebrations. You know why? Because when he scores a touchdown, he heads over to the closest referee, hands him the football and goes and sits down. Think about that for a second. If you interpret that to be an “in your face” act, it works, because it’s like “I’ve been here so many times before, that I don’t need to celebrate.” If you’re in favor of sportsmanship, it’s the classy move to do. In either case, it’s boring – and it’s the perfect touchdown celebration. Good on you, Larry Fitz.

Check out more of our Top 5 Lists.

MORE NEWS: MDHHS Lifts No-Contact Recommendation In Huron River Chemical Spill

Brian Cullen writes vaguely sad comedy articles for Tailgate Fan and Man Cave Daily. Follow him on Twitter @bucketcullen.