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Jamie And Wojo Lay The Foundation For A Lions Museum [AUDIO]

By: Jamie Samuelsen
@jamiesamuelsen

Monday was a day of ranting and raving about the latest Lions debacle. Everyone from Martin Mayhew to Jim Caldwell to Matthew Stafford deserve to lose their jobs. This we know.

 

To take a break from the pain and suffering, Wojo and I decided to start the first ever Lions Hall of Shame. We opened up the phone lines, the Ticket Texts and Twitter to take listener entries as to what artifacts, exhibits and attractions should go into a place that celebrates 58 years of bad football.

 

Honestly, there are too many great ideas to list in one place. But after careful consideration - here are some of the best entries we got. Thanks for all of your help and participation.

 

  • OFFENSIVE LINE TURNSTILES - When you enter the museum, you walk through facsimiles of the Lions offensive line. And of course, you simply stroll right in without any resistance.
  • TATUM BELL LUGGAGE CHECK - You're more than welcome to leave any luggage at the door. But the former Lions running back might steal your bags as he did with Rudi Johnson.
  • NO CELL PHONES ALLOWED - This policy is the decision of Marty Mornhinweg who feels that "They're a distraction."
  • LIONS DRIVING SIMULATOR - Easily one of the most popular attractions in the building. You can get behind the wheel and try to keep track of pizzas in the front seat like Nate Burleson. You can ride a Harley away from training camp like Mornhinweg. Or you can strip virtually naked and pull into a Wendy's drive-thru.
  • PACKER STOMP - Much like the always popular whack-a-mole - this is your opportunity to play the part of Ndamukong Suh and stomp on Packers Evan Dietrich-Smith or Aaron Rodgers.
  • TOMB OF THE UNKNOWN OPPONENT - Walk into this hall of mystery and learn about all the no-name players who had career days against the Lions. Matt Flynn's statue is right up front.
  • 8-8 CAFETERIA - Only a couple of items on the menu - Kool-Aid and Cornbread.
  • RUIN SOMEONE ELSE'S THANKSGIVING - This room gives you the chance to spoil the great American holiday that the Lions have spoiled so many times. You can turn over someone's Thanksgiving table or simply pour salt on all the food.
  • BUILD A RULE - This is a highlight. You and your friends can watch a perfectly normal play where the Lions score - then you can make up a rule that prevents them from actually scoring. NFL Refs love this room. It's where they created "The Process" and "The Bat Rule"
  • JIM SCHWARTZ RED FLAG TOSS - A great test of strength where you get to throw a red challenge flag as far as possible. Bonus points if it's a play that you're not allowed to challenge!
  • ROY WILLIAMS FIRST DOWN MARKERS - In case you have trouble getting around the museum - there will be Roy Williams statues pointing you in the right direction. He's pointing for a Lions first down, even though they're trailing by four touchdowns.
  • BARRY SANDERS FAX MACHINE - Look in wonder at the actual fax machine that Barry used to fax his retirement letter to the Wichita Eagle.The kids can even pretend to fax their own retirement letter to a newspaper of their choice!
  • REGGIE BUSH OPERATING ROOM - Fun for the kids to try to put Bush back together limb-by-limb only to have him fall apart again.
  • THE MARTY MORNHINWEG "BAR IS HIGH" BAR - A great place for adults to gather and enjoy a beer. The bar is up high so patrons must climb up on stools.
  • THE DAN ORLOVSKY WALK THE LINE TEST - After you've had some drinks, best make sure that you can drive home. You can run along the back of the Vikings end zone. If you run out of the end zone, your keys are confiscated.
  • THE JIM HARBAUGH HANDSHAKE SIMULATOR - On your way out of the museum, the former 49ers coach will smack you on your back rather firmly. You leave the museum angry. Either that, or you rush back towards the simulator.

 


There is so much more in the museum - a gift shop to buy brown paper backs, crooked Bobby Ross hats and of course, your very own "Fire Millen" sign. We plan on opening the museum before the Lions win their first Super Bowl - so we have plenty of time.

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