(CBS Local)– It’s the age-old debate, how do you discipline your kids?

“If she refuses to eat something like vegetables, then we don’t give her the things she wants,” said one woman.

“Take a game or a toy or tv time away,” one man said. ““I wouldn’t do that with my kids.“

And is spanking ever okay?

“We don’t spank her, it’s against our parenting philosophy,” one parent said.

And all parents should follow that philosophy, at least according to researchers in a new study published in the Journal of Pediatrics which found spanking is linked to dating violence later in life.

The study followed more than 700 19 and 20-year-olds who were spanked. Nineteen percent, or about 1 in 5, admitted to acting violently in a relationship.

Bill Coffey, a staff therapist at the Council for Relationships, says that’s because those who are spanked grow up learning that kind of behavior is ok.

“That’s how they handle disappointment, frustration and that’s how they handle conflict,” said Bill Coffey, a therapist at the Council for Relationships.

He suggests parents should handle discipline firmly but without any violent physical contact, like removing a favorite toy or giving the child time out.

“You have to teach children there are consequences to their behavior. But hitting is not the consequence,” Coffey said.