Tale Of The Tape: Ferris Bueller Vs. Tiger Woods

(Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
  • Start To The Day
    Lots of pre game – McGyvering entire room followed by licking palms and rewiring doorbell.
    Back Massage followed by counting money.
  • Eating Out
    Fine Dining - Chez Quis and its staff await your arrival.
    Tiger's notorious for not leaving good tips – you'll pay and feel guilty about it.
  • Soaking in Culture
    Fine museums, sports events, a possible parade.
    No chance of going to any public places.
  • Possible Third Wheel
    Sloane Petterson or Cameron Frye – either would be a bonus.
    Lindsey Vonn
  • Getting Around Town
    Priceless 1961 Ferrari 250GT – less than 100 were made.
    Used Buick with a busted rear window.
  • Chances of Getting Caught
    Just leave a key under the backdoor mat and we'll be fine.
    Yeah – we won't go there.
Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Ferris is the king of taking the day off and there is no doubt he is the right choice. Of course the question isn't what are you going to do. The question is what aren't you going to do?