If The Supreme Court Ruled On Sports
By: Jamie Samuelsen
Earlier today, the Supreme Court came out with a quiet little ruling on health care. Odds are that you missed it, because compared to the struggles of Ryan Raburn, it really doesn’t amount to very much. Basically, the Court ruled in favor of President Obama’s healthcare reform. This decision will serve to end the health care debate in the United States. And when I say, “end the health care debate”, what I’m really trying to say is “essentially pour gasoline on a fire that’s already raging out of control.”
I tend to be in favor of all Americans getting medical attention when they’re sick. But I also tend to be opposed to the government telling me that I HAVE to buy something. In other words, I would have made a lousy Supreme Court Justice which is a good thing because the odds of me getting nominated are right up there with the odds of Raburn heading to Kansas City in two weeks for the All-Star Game (unless he’s buying a ticket.)
But what if the Supreme Court could delve into the world of sports? What if we could finally have a governing body put and end once and for all to the greatest sports debates of all time?
Can you imagine a day when we see rulings on some of the following cases?
MLB Umpires vs. Allen “Bud” Selig – The Supreme Court ruled today in a 6-3 decision that Major League Baseball must employ instant replay to help its umpires do their job more effectively. Writing for the majority, Justice Stephen Breyer said that Selig has basically “had his head in the sand for the majority of his term as commissioner” and that this is the ultimate no-brainer. Breyer cited no specific article of the Constitution to support his claim, but did cite the will of the fans, the will of the players, the will of the umpires, the will of the managers and the will of the owners. He also cited absolute common sense.
Chris Webber vs. NCAA – College athletes will never get paid according to today’s landmark 8-1 decision by the Supreme Court. Justice Sonia Sotomayor wrote the opinion saying that the U.S. Constitution guaranteed every college athlete the right to “NOT ATTEND” college if they don’t want to. “Go ahead and play overseas,” wrote Sotomayor. “This B.S. about the school selling your jersey while you can’t afford pizza is a waste of our time. If it’s so hard on you, don’t go to college.” It’s believed that Sotomayor’s opinion is the first in Supreme Court history to contain the term “B.S.” in it, although legal scholars are scouring past decisions for any other such reference.
BCS vs. NCAA – College Football will be forced to scrap i’s latest four-team playoff and go to a 16-team playoff starting immediately in the 2012 season. Justice Anthony Kennedy was the swing vote in a 5-4 ruling and wrote that the NCAA should be ashamed of itself. “Let’s see. Every other sport in college athletics has a tournament. Even the lower divisions of college football have tournaments. And you’re sitting here trying to tell is that the sanctity of the “Kraft Fight Hunger” Bowl should preclude you from having it in Division I Football?” Kennedy went on to write that whenever a sport says that it’s not about the money…it’s ALWAYS about the money. Clarence Thomas wrote a minority opinion defending the current bowl system. But it was also revealed that the Insight.com Bowl was changing its name to the “Clarence Thomas Bowl” which helps explain his vote.
Trust me, the government has so many other issues to worry about that it’s a good thing that sports stay off their radar. (The recent Roger Clemens hearing/trial is a damn good example). But wouldn’t it be nice if there were SOME way to end these ridiculous debates. Shouldn’t common sense prevail at some point?
Then again, maybe it would be the same thing as we saw today in Washington. There would be drama. There would be a ruling. There would be controversy. And we’d be right where we were when we started.
God Bless America.