By: Jamie Samuelsen

Did anyone feel pangs of nostalgia last night given the fact that we’re already through a quarter of the season? (How’s that for the glass is half empty?)

I’m not sure if the glass is half-full or half-empty, but we clearly have a man-in-full named Jack Bauer who has returned from exile and is in full effect. How do we know this? Well, as my astute 24 co-pilot (and wife) Christy pointed out, Jack has the man-bag back.

Man-bag? Check.
Leather jacket? Check.
Dammits? Check.
Wireless earpiece? Check.
Extremely poor choice in sunglasses? Check.

Yep. That’s our guy.

Hour three (still confused on the whole ‘real time format’) opens with Jack and Chloe in hot pursuit of a woman we now know to be Simone Al-Harazi. Jack realizes that she’s behind this whole mess when he discovers the dead body of Derrick Yates on the bathroom floor. And how did he know Yates was there? Simple, he saw two fresh beers and two half drunken beers on a bar table. That always means someone’s up to no good. Upon realizing that Yates is dead of a modified Vincent Van Gogh attack, Jack does utter a barely audible “Dammit.” (Dammit count – 2!).

Jack then climbs into the Volvo that Chloe hot-wired and they take off after Simone who is utilizing mass transit in London (aka – “The Tube”) Do you think if 24 were ever shot in Detroit, they would use the People Mover? (‘Dammit Chloe, what stop is she getting off at?’ ‘Just wait there Jack. The damn thing goes in a loop.’) Chloe figures out which train Simone is on and which station that train is headed toward. Jack swerves the Volvo in and out of traffic (staying to the left of course – this is England after all). And then motors down the steps to find Simone. I did notice that Jack went through the gates without paying. Just add it to his lengthening list of crimes and misdemeanors over the years. Murder, torture, kidnapping, adultery, riding “The Tube” for free.

He finds Simone on the train and then tries to camouflage himself a bit until they get to the next stop. But that Simone is pretty smart and notices the back of Jack’s head and just knows it must be the same man who was trying to get Derrick back at the apartment. So she does the logical thing, and slashes her fishnet covered leg with a knife (the same knife she used to finish off Yates, the weapon is oddly clean though.) Christy and I watched Mad Men right before we watched 24, so after what Ginsburg did to himself, I had enough self-mutilation for one night. She’s really skilled with the knife because she cut herself in such a way that it stopped bleeding about ten minutes later. Crazy. Simone smeared blood on her face to make it look like Jack was attacking her. And that created enough of a disturbance on the train platform that she was able to get away. It helped that two guys who looked like “The Edge” and Adam Clayton from U2 got in Jack’s way temporarily. But as we know from Jack’s history, it’s always temporary.

Still, Chloe is watching all the security cameras from the safety of her Volvo station wagon. So they can still nab Simone, right?

Well, about that. As all the stuff is going down underground, seeing a happy family walking from the subway (Totally unrealistic distracts Chloe. No happy family has ever walked out of the London Underground. Impossible.) As she’s watching mother, father and son, Simone sneaks off the other way and grabs a cab.

Jack is incredulous that Chloe could have lost her. What could have possibly distracted her, other than the hideous black eyeliner?

Chloe breaks down and tells Jack that her husband Morris and son Prescott were killed in a hit and run accident. To make matters worse, the murderers were targeting Chloe. To make matters worser, they were targeting Chloe because she knew where Jack was hiding out. Just when I think I want to cut Chloe some slack, she has to throw that dagger out there. With all the baggage that Jack has to carry around, does he really need to know that he’s the reason that Chloe lost her family? Perhaps that was intel that Chloe could have kept to herself.

Jack turns into a comforting soul for the first time since Season 2, Episode 5 (rough estimate) and consoles Chloe telling her that, “You can’t bring back the ones you love, trust me.” Yeah. If there’s one person who should know that, it’s Jack. He then uses this emotional moment to convince Chloe to keep working with him. Well done Jack. Apparently two can play the emotional blackmail game!

While Jack and Chloe are tracking Simone, Kate and Erik are busy tracking Jack. They have rounded up all of Basher’s henchmen from the apartment and are doing their best to figure out if Jack was in the apartment and why he may have been there. Basher is doing his best to stonewall going so far as to tell Kate to “piss off”. Well played! I can’t say that on 97.1 The Ticket, but he can say it on 24? Nice rules. Maybe it’s because he’s British!

Kate and Erik finally load Basher into the back of their SUV and take him to yet another bad part of London where a gang lives, and apparently it’s a gang that Basher once double-crossed. Once he realizes that he’ll be treated like a piece of meat dropped in front of angry wolves (or a Lions quarterback dropped in front of Julius Peppers), he squeals and tells the feds all about Yates and the override and the presence of one Jack Bauer. They do the logical thing, and head to the embassy.

The embassy of course is where President Heller is holed up along with Audrey and her duplicitous husband Chris Boudreau. Chris is busy forging the President’s signature on documents while trying unsuccessfully to convince Audrey to talk her Dad off the ledge.

Heller has been back in his room for about five minutes, so he does the logical thing and puts on a flannel robe – only to put his suit and tie back on again five minutes later. Perhaps this helps him relax. Maybe when President Obama has a five minute break in the day, he does the same thing. Either way, he convinces Audrey that he’s fine and that he’s going to speak to Parliament. That’s the best thing to do. As he’s being transported over to Parliament to speak to his British counterparts, we see that the offending military man, Lt. Tanner has already arrived in London to face foreign questioning for his alleged misdeeds. I thought this dude was in Texas. Now THAT would be a fast prison transfer (not that I’d put it past 24), but clearly he was about thirty minutes away from London somewhere…somehow…some way.

Simone, bloody leg and all, somehow made it back to Mummy’s estate thanks to what must have been a rather expensive cab ride. We learn a few things from the scenes from the countryside.

1) Margot (Simone’s mum) is planning a widespread attack across London including Big Ben…Parliament…Big Ben…Parliament. Look kids…Big Ben, Parliament!

2) She needs the override system that Yates was perfecting to manipulate the drones to attack.

3) She has a rather checkered past.

4) Simone has a husband/lover named Navid who is NONE too pleased that Simone spent the last three weeks in bed with Yates.

5) No character in the history of 24 has any staying power in bed. Simone and Navid are on opposite sides of the mattress about two minutes after she starts making her move. Not impressed.

But that action (or lack thereof) is in the bedroom. All the real action is at the Parliament and the Embassy. Heller steps up to face Parliament and is immediately shouted down.

Jack, Kate and Erik are all trying to get into the Embassy because that’s where Tanner is going to be questioned for his role in the initial drone attack. Jack is supposed to be able to sneak in because Adrian (Chloe’s…um…boss?) has set up credentials for him under the name Ron Fairbanks. (And if you don’t think I’m making my next reservation under the name Ron Fairbanks, well then you just don’t know me very well.) Adrian is clearly up to no good, because Jack’s credential is flagged. So he takes off running and decides that the best way to access the Embassy is simple – stage a riot! (Kids. Don’t try this at home.) Jack shoots two of the drone protestors (Those Brits REALLY do not like the drones) and screams, “They’re shooting at us!” The crowd goes berserk and storms the gate.

As Jack is running in, Kate shouts at him “Bauer!” For some reason, Jack turns around which is silly on every level. But now he knows he’s being chased inside the Embassy while he’s also doing the chasing. And that sets us up for a rather remarkable hour number four.

JACK’S KILL COUNT – By my count, still zero. Unless he clipped an artery when he shot that protestor to start the riot. Jack needs to up his game a bit.

ANNOYING TIME ISSUE OF THE WEEK – If Tanner didn’t get from Texas to England in a half hour – then I gotta go with the fact that Simone’s leg stab wound healed up in about five minutes.

BILL BUCHANAN AWARD FOR SPINELESS LEADERSHIP – I loved Bill. I really did. But the dude could never grab a plan and stick to it. So that honor will now be passed on to Steve Navarro who’s plan of attack over the past three hours seems to be – “Let’s do whatever Kate says.” I’ve had plenty of readers suggest that Kate and Jack should end up together because they are basically the same person. No way. Jack ends up with Audrey. Kate ends up with Steve. It’s a lock.

That’s it for this week. Thanks for all the feedback last week. Let me know what you think! My email is


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