By Dan Leach
The NFL is back — not a moment too soon — and of course that means it’s time for the annual ritual to make the case for our lovable Lions and why they will be horrible yet again in 2016. Or for the few of you that think this could be a surprise year for the Honolulu Blue and Silver, why they could turn some of the 28,254,987 heads that think they will be awful this year. Here is how I see the Lions 2016 season shaking out and dare I say, it will be much better than most of you even think there is a chance of it being.
Lions Over/Under Win Total In Las Vegas (7, some sportsbooks as low as 5.5)
Lions Odds To Win The NFC (30-1)
Lions Odds To Win Super Bowl (60-1)
Odds of Leicester City to win English Premier League before the season last year (5000-1) So you’re saying there’s a chance?!
• Week 1 at Indianapolis
Lions need all the “Luck” they can get in this one and while they turn some heads with their much more balanced offense, the Colts will have the last laugh as Andrew Luck and company “deflate” the Lions, (legally), on a late TD pass to Donte Moncrief.
— Colts 31 – Lions 27 (0-1)
• Week 2 vs Tennessee
Titans second year QB Marcus Mariota gets into it with Rory on the sidelines pre-game and the Lions mascot decks Mariota without the WWE ref seeing it. Leads to four picks and three fumbles by the former Oregon Duck.
— Lions 34 – Titans 17 (1-1)
• Week 3 at Green Bay
Both teams throw late Hail Mary’s in the last minute of the game, but after the Lions score on theirs on a 4-32 from the team’s own 38 yard-line, Jim Caldwell decides to not call a lateral defense and Green Bay takes advantage by recognizing it, lateraling 6 times behind the line of scrimmage and scoring on a Rodgers to Rodgers 65 yard touchdown — AGAIN!
— Packers 31 – Lions 26 (1-2)
• Week 4 at Chicago
Jay Cutler is still the Bears QB right?
— Lions 35 – Bears 20 (2-2)
• Week 5 vs Philly
Chip Kelly gone, Doug Pederson in. Same ol’ Eagles.
— Lions 31 – Eagles 17 (3-2)
• Week 6 vs Los Angeles
Rams forget they moved to Los Angeles, play like they did in St Louis for the past four years.
–Lions 22 – Rams 15 (4-2)
• Week 7 vs Washington
With former coach Mark Dantonio in attendance and on the field, Kirk Cousins rolls by him with his now famous “You Like That! You Like That!” chant on the way to the winning Skins TD, a 62 yard run as time expires.
— Redskins 28 – Lions 24 (4-3)
• Week 8 at Houston
With former President George H.W. Bush in the stands, the Lions do the opposite of Hail the Chief with their worst offensive output of the season against the tough Texans D.
— Texans 19 – Lions 10 (4-4)
• Week 9 at Minnesota
Without Teddy Ballgame, the Lions come in overconfident and go down big in the first half. Then Detroit realizes it’s just Sam Bradford behind center and that they had been wasting their energy en route to an epic second half comeback.
— Lions 35 – Vikings 31 (5-4)
• Week 10 – BYE
This one was in doubt for a while as only the Lions could make it against a BYE until the newly minted Lions cheerleaders, The Kitty Cats, performed a perfect routine to impress the judges at the last possible minute.
• Week 11 vs Jacksonville
In easily the most important game of the year thus far, the Lions show glimpses of what they could be at their optimal best. For one week looking like a contending NFL team in one of the most exciting games in the entire 2016 NFL season.
— Lions 29 – Jaguars 26 (6-4)
• Week 12 vs Minnesota
Many Lions fans get what they always wanted, Shaun Hill to start a Lions game instead of Stafford. Unfortunately for them he is on the opposing side, but with the same results.
— Lions 24 – Vikings 14 (7-4)
• Week 13 at New Orleans
The Lions, thinking it was 2015, come into the Superdome with a ton of confidence, forgetting to realize Drew Brees doesn’t have back to back bad seasons.Voodoo bloodbath ensues.
— Saints 38 – Lions 28 (7-5)
• Week 14 vs Chicago
Jay Cutler is still the Bears QB right? OK, just checking.
— Lions 38 – Bears 17 (8-5)
• Week 15 at New York
With Eli’s bro Peyton in attendance, Lions lose by proxy making Mike Valenti call for Eli to retire and let his brother take the helm for the Giants at age 40.
— Giants 26 – Lions 20 (8-6)
• Week 16 at Dallas
The Pete Morelli revenge game doesn’t have a happy ending as the bumbling ref screws the Lions not once, not twice, but three times on pass interference non-calls. Dak Prescott takes over for the just-back-from-injury Tony Romo in the third quarter, making Cowboys fans wonder why they ever went back to Romo in the first place.
— Cowboys 35 – Lions 22 (8-7)
• Week 17 vs Green Bay
Lions with a chance to make the playoffs with a home win over Green Bay… we all know how this goes. Green Bay wins in the last second with a 68-yard record NFL field goal.
— Packers 31 – Lions 30 (8-8)
So there you have it! That is how the Lions 2016 season will end, on a NFL record field goal knocking the team out of playoff contention at home against the Packers. How do you see the Lions 2016 season and how many heartbreaking moments will it entail?