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LARRY DELISLE BREAKS SILENCE 25 YEARS AFTER DRIVING KIDS INTO DETROIT RIVER - READ MORE

Tale of the tape

NFL

  1. CLEVELAND, OH - AUGUST 15: Quarterback Matthew Stafford #9 of the Detroit Lions looks for a pass during the first half against the Cleveland Browns of a preseason at FirstEnergy Stadium on August 15, 2013 in Cleveland, Ohio. (Photo by Jason Miller/Getty Images) Arizona Cardinals v Green Bay Packers
    Tale Of The Tape: Detroit Lions At Green Bay Packers

    Matthew Stafford led the Lions to a convincing win over the division rival Chicago Bears, and now he will try to do the same at Green Bay.

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    The Giants Losing To Carolina Vs. Little Mac Losing To Glass Joe In “Punch-Out”

    Perhaps the most lopsided battle in video game sports is that of Little Mac vs. Glass Joe – the first fight in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! If done correctly, skilled players can knock the beans out of Joe in 42 seconds, flat. Unskilled players can still take him out before three rounds are up. And unskilled players who think too much would wonder – why is a French guy named “Joe”?

    In any case, we here at CBS wondered, what was a more lopsided matchup (and subsequent surprising defeat): Mac vs. Joe? Or the recent Super Bowl champion New York Giants vs. the mostly hapless Carolina Panthers? Let’s go to the tape. Please note that the “winner” of each category is the more humiliating option:

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    One Broken Arm Later: Nate Burleson’s Pizza Vs. DiGiorno (It’s Not Delivery)

    Detroit Lions’ wide receiver Nate Burleson is great at receiving both deftly thrown footballs and emergency roadside medical treatment. Recently, he crashed his car into a Jersey barrier after dropping a slice of pizza around 2:30 in the morning. Apparently there was no hooch in his system, it’s just that he was being a big ol’ bag of dum-dum lollipops. The question that we at CBS can’t help but ask: would he have been better off cooking himself a DiGiorno frozen pizza? Let’s go to the tape.

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    Tale Of The Tape: Chicago Bears At Detroit Lions

    Through the first three weeks of the season, the marriage between Jay Cutler and head coach Marc Trestman is working out quite nicely.

  5. New York Jets v New England Patriots "The Dark Knight Rises" New York Premiere - Inside Arrivals
    New England Patriots Vs. The Dark Knight Rises

    2012’s The Dark Knight Rises was met with extraordinary expectations. Similarly, the 2013 Patriots entered the season highly regarded – as they do every year that both T-Brads and Bill Belichick are on staff.

  6. lionscredit2.jpg redskinscredit1.jpg
    Tale Of The Tape: Detroit Lions At Washington Redskins

    Quarterback Matthew Stafford is going to be facing a desperate team after the Redskins endured back-to-back humiliating losses in the first two weeks of the season.