TALE OF THE TAPE

Tale Of The Tape: Team Owner’s Wife Vs. Team Owner’s Mistress

Team Owner's Wife
Team Owner's Mistress
OAKLAND, CA - APRIL 27: Shelly Sterling, the wife of Donald Sterling owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, watches the Clippers against the Golden State Warriors in Game Four of the Western Conference Quarterfinals during the 2014 NBA Playoffs at ORACLE Arena on April 27, 2014 in Oakland, California. The players wore theirs warm up this way in protest of owner Donald Sterling's racially insensitive remarks.
SAN ANTONIO, TX - MAY 19: (2nd L) Team owner Donald Sterling of the Los Angeles Clippers and V. Stiviano watch the San Antonio Spurs play against the Memphis Grizzlies during Game One of the Western Conference Finals of the 2013 NBA Playoffs at AT&T Center on May 19, 2013 in San Antonio, Texas.
(Credit: Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images)
(Credit: Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)
Loyalty
Winner She married you for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part. We'll ignore the poorer part, because really, who ever heard of a poor team owner? The rest of it, though, means she's in it for the long haul.
She knows you're rich, and married. And while she may say she loves you for your heart or your blue eyes or your witty sense of humor, she loves you for your money. Besides, 25-year-old women don't fall for 70-year-old men unless they have serious daddy issues.
Privacy
Winner Your life is her life; her life is your life. She has a vested interest in preserving the status quo and whatever privacy that entails. Unless you breach her trust, by, say, I don't know, taking a mistress.
She could secretly record your racist lunatic rant and release it for all the world to hear. The league will then ban you from all future games and force you to sell the team.
Fame
Winner Outside of fans of your team and possibly fans of the sport, no one really knows who you are. As far as society is concerned, you're just another rich guy. That's a good way to live, and your wife knows it too. So things will stay as they are unless you do something stupid…
…like take a mistress who records your phone calls and releases them on the web. Then your life will become a national scandal (and personal nightmare) that just won't die. Fame/Infamy are two sides of the same coin.
Money
Be prepared to give away half of everything you own. Since you're weighing the pros and cons of taking a mistress and all, this seems like a very real possibility.
Winner You'll be forced to sell your team. But given how much revenue and profit pro sports franchises generate these days, the team will be worth piles and piles of cash. So oddly enough, taking a mistress will probably work out well for your bank account.

The Winner Is

OAKLAND, CA - APRIL 27: Shelly Sterling, the wife of Donald Sterling owner of the Los Angeles Clippers, watches the Clippers against the Golden State Warriors in Game Four of the Western Conference Quarterfinals during the 2014 NBA Playoffs at ORACLE Arena on April 27, 2014 in Oakland, California. The players wore theirs warm up this way in protest of owner Donald Sterling's racially insensitive remarks.
Winner Team Owner's Wife
3 out of 4

Yeah, we saw that coming. Nevertheless, it's a valuable lesson for all you budding professional sports franchise owners out there.

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. Nigel Williams-Goss #5 of the Gonzaga Bulldogs reacts after a play in the second half against the South Carolina Gamecocks during the 2017 NCAA Men's Final Four Semifinal at University of Phoenix Stadium on April 1, 2017 in Glendale, Arizona. Kennedy Meeks #3 and Justin Jackson #44 of the North Carolina Tar Heels react in the second half against the Oregon Ducks during the 2017 NCAA Men's Final Four Semifinal at University of Phoenix Stadium on April 1, 2017 in Glendale, Arizona.
    NCAA Championship Tale: 1 Gonzaga Vs. 1 North Carolina

    Gonzaga and North Carolina are set to square off in the NCAA Championship. Let’s break down the matchup.

  2. Joel Berry II #2 of the North Carolina Tar Heels handles the ball in the second half against the Kentucky Wildcats during the 2017 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament South Regional at FedExForum on March 26, 2017 in Memphis, Tennessee. Tyler Dorsey #5 of the Oregon Ducks reacts in the second half against the Kansas Jayhawks during the 2017 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament Midwest Regional at Sprint Center on March 25, 2017 in Kansas City, Missouri.
    Final Four Tale: 1 North Carolina Vs. 3 Oregon

    North Carolina and Oregon are set to square off in the Final Four. Let’s break down the matchup.

  3. osh Perkins #13 of the Gonzaga Bulldogs celebrateswith teammates in the second half against the Xavier Musketeers during the 2017 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament West Regional at SAP Center on March 25, 2017 in San Jose, California. Chris Silva #30 of the South Carolina Gamecocks reacts after a play against the Florida Gators in the second half during the 2017 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament East Regional at Madison Square Garden on March 26, 2017 in New York City.
    Final Four Tale: 1 Gonzaga Vs. 7 South Carolina

    Gonzaga and South Carolina are set to square off in the Final Four. Let’s break down the matchup.

See All Tales of the Tape

More From CBS Detroit

Best Places To See Indie Rock In DetroitIt's called Detroit Rock City for a reason.
Guide: Best Barbecue In Metro DetroitSometimes, nothing hits the spot like good barbecue.
Best Ice Cream Shops In Metro DetroitIt's getting warm outside! Take advantage of it.

Watch & Listen LIVE